Snowdrop Dreams

What Unbreakable Looks Like by Kate McLaughlin

Published: June 23, 2020

Publisher: Wednesday Books

Pages: 336

Received: from publisher for honest review via NetGalley

Find Online: Goodreads | Wednesday Books

Lex was taken – trafficked - and now she’s Poppy. Kept in a hotel with other girls, her old life is a distant memory. But when the girls are rescued, she doesn’t quite know how to be Lex again.

After she moves in with her aunt and uncle, for the first time in a long time, she knows what it is to feel truly safe. Except, she doesn’t trust it. Doesn't trust her new home. Doesn’t trust her new friend. Doesn’t trust her new life. Instead she trusts what she shouldn’t because that's what feels right. She doesn’t deserve good things.

But when she is sexually assaulted by her so-called boyfriend and his friends, Lex is forced to reckon with what happened to her and that just because she is used to it, doesn’t mean it is okay. She’s thrust into the limelight and realizes she has the power to help others. But first she’ll have to confront the monsters of her past with the help of her family, friends, and a new love.

Kate McLaughlin’s What Unbreakable Looks Like is a gritty, ultimately hopeful novel about human trafficking through the lens of a girl who has escaped the life and learned to trust, not only others, but in herself.

Let's begin with the trigger warnings: sex trafficking, rape, sexual assault, child abuse, alcoholism, drug abuse, self harm, slut shaming.

Now that you're informed about the trigger warnings, I can tell you about how unbelievably raw this book is. It's impactful, it's tough, it's emotional, it's gut wrenching, it's entrance into the world of human trafficking. I wasn't sure what to expect going into this book, but I was told that it would be right up my alley by the publisher given that I'd read two of their other most recent gritty novels, Sadie and Foul Is Fair. It did not disappoint.

Lex, aka Poppy, was lured by a man that her mother's boyfriend knew. He spent time at their place, made her feel special and let her fall for him. Then one day things changed and he wasn't her boyfriend anymore, but her pimp. The story flips back and forth between current day and flashbacks to her life as Poppy.

It was so disheartening to see Lex flip flop between wanting to trust the adults in her life now and just wanting to walk away and back into the life of a sex worker. It tugged at my heart each time she started to think she wasn't worth fighting for.

As you read and learn more about what it was like to live that life, how taking drugs numbed the pain (both physical and emotional) and how conditioned the girls became. How they are almost brainwashed into thinking no one would ever want them now and that if they tried to go home they'd be turned out or abandoned. I hated how her pimp renamed them all flower names so they'd start losing their identities sooner.

Another hard thing was watching Lex learn to trust others and even herself. She had to unlearn all of the bad and figure out what was worth fighting for. Her story is intense and terrifying at times. It makes me realize just how lucky I was to grow up the way I did and how I want to ensure my daughter is raised. How I want her to know she is loved and wanted and that she can talk to me anytime about anything. It takes a lot for Lex to trust her Aunt and let down her guards.

When she finally makes some new friends and begins to start school, she feels almost herself again. She meets a boy, but not too long into dating do things take a turn and she's forced into the spotlight with everyone knowing her business. Should she run away and go back to her previous life or stand up and fight for herself and the other girls left behind?

Another scary situation that I did not realize might even happen once out of the life was her pimp trying to track her down to bring her back to his fold. That if the girl was popular enough, they would do almost anything to trick her back into her previous life. These scenes were making me anxious and angry.

I feel like Lex was one of the lucky ones who had someone out there that cared enough about her to give her a chance and a safe place to start over. Who wanted to fight along side her and for her. Who encouraged her to work as slow as necessary to recover. Who helped create a support network so that she always had someone to turn to. Who supported her decisions and helped her focus on what she could do going forward instead of always looking back.

I think the main themes are learning to trust again, hope, and education on such a difficult topic that needs to be spoken about more. I knew about human traffickers and assumed how shitty the life would be, but not until I read this book did I realize just how horrible the entire series of events would be and how hard it would be to rehabilitate those who were turned into sex workers. Not only would they have trust issues, but they would need rehab due to addictions and psychiatrists for issues with anxiety/PTSD and the like. So much trauma. So much hurt. So much taken away. And not enough done to fight against it.

I always love reading books that discuss such difficult topics because I rarely see them done so wonderfully. This was a well written story that helped open my eyes to this disgusting subculture. I hope if you enjoy reading gritty, raw and powerful stories that you'll give this one a chance.

EDIT: I wrote this review weeks before it was ready to post for blog tour and now that I've thought on it more, I have a few more things to add.

1) I think the timeline might not be as realistic as it would be for someone to be "saved" from the life and try to settle into a new normal. But I do understand that the book is only so long and what the author was most likely trying to convey that it was possible. It just might have needed to span over more time than the few short months that it seems to. Though this did not hit me right after reading it as I was caught up in the moment and dialogue of the story.

2) I've read a lot of comments from other readers about the language used in the book and terminology that the girls used. I didn't read too far into how the girls talk to one another while in the life, so I want to make it clear that I enjoyed the book for the glimpse that it was. I do not always sit and pick apart a book for every tiny detail, so yes, while some my not find certain aspects or wording accurate, I just read the book to let myself fall into world it describes. So even if the words were not 100% how they would talk, to me it's more the atmosphere, the feeling the story evokes, the topic that gets people talking about and becoming more aware of. If a book can get people talking and can make people start fighting for something or against something then it's done it's job. This book made me more aware of how easy girls can fall prey to this. And it was impactful to me for this reason. It also gave me hope that many can get help and move on. That they can speak out and help others. Eventually.

3) Not everything has to be taking to heart. Not very detail has to be perfect to get a point across. I still truly enjoyed this book and what it brought to my attention.

So there you have it. My initial thoughts and my follow up.